


Curiosity and care

by sherlotr



Category: Temeraire - Naomi Novik
Genre: Blood of Tyrants, M/M, aftermath of canonical amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 02:39:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3102473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlotr/pseuds/sherlotr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Goodness Will,” Tharkay murmured as Laurence wrapped an arm around his waist to help him down, “if you keep treating me like a blushing bride, I’m going to start expected an offer.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Curiosity and care

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time ever writing a fanfic - please be gentle!

Laurence was soaked. The rain had been sheeting steadily down since they had started flying that morning, and although Temeraire’s scales protected him from the invading dampness, Laurence’s new coat, though well made, was not able to withstand the steady onslaught of rain. Laying a hand on Temeraire’s neck in silent communion, he glanced back at Tharkay with a worried expression. Just two weeks after finding him hidden away in a mountain, a scapegoat for the conservative faction’s desire to end trade with the west, he was still unwell. His dislocated ankles had healed under the expert care of the Chinese surgeon, but his broken fingers were taking longer to recovery. As Laurence watched, Tharkay shuddered in his sleep. Gently, Laurence pulled off his own oilskin blanket and wrapped it carefully around Tharkay’s shoulders.

The strange warmth he felt, watching his sleeping friend curl more tightly into the blankets, had Laurence turning around, unsettled. Along with the return of his memories had come some he felt he would rather have remained forgotten. His own treason was uncomfortable, though less so now he remembered the depth of feeling that drove him to it, but Granby’s indiscretion with Little was an unpleasant shock. He had conveyed to them, as much as was possible without humiliation on both sides, that he would not betray them, but the sudden recollection had startled him. 

Lately, his thoughts had been turning to Granby and Little with increasing regularity, brought on, no doubt, by the lack of work to occupy his time and keep his thoughts from wandering. Granby and Little had seemed so comfortable with each other; apart from the understandable anxiety of having their liaison known, there was clearly no awkwardness in their relationship. Laurence, for the life of him, could not stop wondering at how this was possible. How did it work when there were two men? How was one of them comfortable with being the woman in the coupling?

The questions would not leave him alone, much as he disliked having so great an interest in the private affairs of others. There was no one he could ask either. Even if Granby had been with them, he did not think he could bear to extend the subject, and have an actual conversation about Granby’s private life. He was not nearly as intimate with Little, which rendered him out of the question, and to discuss it with anyone else would mean revealing intimate details of Granby’s and would be a betrayal of his trust. Laurence was still shocked by the depth of that trust, and the fresh look at his life had caused him to question more of his relationships. Thoughts wandering back to Tharkay, Laurence was again amazed at what this man had done for him, and how many times he had followed him halfway around the world. 

“Is everything alright, Laurence?” Temeraire’s deep voice rumbled, breaking Laurence out of his wanderings. 

Laurence started, blushing. “Yes, of course, my dear,” he replied hurriedly. 

Temeraire craned his neck to look back at him, “You have been very quiet lately Laurence. Is there something that is troubling you?”

“I – no, nothing you need concern yourself about,” Laurence stammered quickly. Temeraire looked unconvinced. “We may discuss this later, when we have landed, if you prefer?” he prodded. 

Laurence sighed. “Very well,” he conceded, hoping desperately that Temeraire would forget, and he would be left in peace to sort out his thoughts.

 

They descended to make camp several hours later. Thankfully, Tharkay had awoken, and they had had a game of pique, helping to distract Laurence from his sudden, incessant thought that perhaps Tharkay would be the person to ask. He always portrayed himself as unflappable, even as when he was as dependent as he had been the first week after his rescue, and would be unlikely to be shocked by the conversation, though Laurence suspected Tharkay would mock him for his interest. He held Tharkay in such high esteem however, that he thought there may be a chance of their friendship surviving it, and as he couldn’t seem to leave the subject alone, he needed to deal with in it some manner. Hopefully, the horror of actually attempting to discuss it aloud would cure him of this strange curiosity. 

Having landed, Laurence reached up to help Tharkay clamber down off Temeraire’s back. “Goodness Will,” Tharkay murmured as Laurence wrapped an arm around his waist, “if you keep treating me like a blushing bride, I’m going to start expected an offer.” 

Laurence turned scarlet, and dropped his arm at once. “I – I – for heaven’s sake Tharkay, I am only trying to be a friend!” 

Tharkay looked at him, perplexed, and Laurence’s face burned, knowing he had overreacted to the gently mocking tone in Tharkay’s voice, given where his thoughts had been. Before he could attempt to rectify the situation, however, Temeraire had turned his head to peer at them.

“Well of course you are not a bride, Tharkay, do not brides have to be women? But whatever does that have to do with Laurence helping you? He has already rescued you, and fed you when your hands were damaged. And anyway, it was you who brought all the dragons to Britain for Laurence, that is a much nicer courting gift than being helped off a dragon.” 

“Oh, Lord,” Laurence muttered, horrified, “no Temeraire, it is not the same at all. Tharkay brought the dragons to help defend Britain against Napoleon.”

“Yes, but he did that for you, Laurence. Why else would he cross the entire continent with a bunch of ill-behaved ferals? No one would willingly spend time with Arkady and his lot – expect perhaps Iskierka,” he added with a sniff. 

“I – Temeraire – “ Laurence began, but was interrupted by Tharkay, who said smoothly “Forgive your Captain, Temeraire, he is too honourable to have suggestions of sodomy laid at his door along with those of treason.” 

Laurence felt the blood rush to his face. “Forgive me,” he spluttered at last, “I believe I hear General Chu calling,” and rushed away, before Temeraire could point out that if General Chu had been calling, he certainly would have heard it before Laurence.

“But what is sodomy?” he heard Temeraire inquiry of Tharkay as he hurried off, “and why is it dishonourable?” 

 

Much as Laurence tried to discreetly avoid both Temeraire and Tharkay that evening, it was not easy to hide from a 20 tonne nursemaid, especially one who had recently grown a great deal more protective. Hearing his name called rather anxiously, Laurence turned to head to Temeraire’s side, sighing only slightly.

“There you are Laurence,” the dragon said, with a good deal of relief, “you mustn’t run off like that, we don’t know that those assassins have truly been left behind in China.” 

“With the conservative faction fallen, I expect that I shall be safe,” Laurence reassured him, and when Temeraire looked inclined to continue worrying, he added, “And now the whole company is on alert. Most of the danger before came from our inability to confide our danger with anyone, without fear of increasing it.” 

“I suppose,” Temeraire agreed grudgingly, “but I shall certainly be keeping watch, and I will squash anyone who attempts it again. Now, Laurence, what is it you wished to speak to me about?” 

“It is nothing,” Laurence tried, wish being certainly too strong a word to describe his feelings on this discussion, “I was simply concerned for Tharkay during the flight.” 

Temeraire looked at him sceptically. “But Tharkay is safe, and healing. None of the Chinese surgeons thought there cause for concern, and Keynes agrees. Whyever do you worry?” 

“Ah-“ Laurence said, brought up short. Though the claim had been a way of distracting Temeraire from the truth of his thoughts, he realised that he had been paying a great deal of attention and worry to Tharkay lately, even though he was certain of his recovery. “I – he is a comrade in arms,” he managed, “and perhaps, like yourself, I am now overcautious of losing things again.” 

“Do you want to mate with him?” Temeraire asked innocently.

“Temeraire!” Laurence cried, “you mustn’t say such things. It is not-“ he paused, wishing to say it was not right, but feeling strangely uncomfortable doing so, his thoughts turning again to Granby. 

“It is not what?” Temeraire asked, “Tharkay has told me about the silly rules you have against men mating, it makes very little sense to me.” 

“Oh Lord,” Laurence sighed, wishing desperately to disappear into the ground, “Temeraire it is not natural. Men and women mate to make eggs, and two men cannot.” 

“But mating is not always for eggs,” Temeraire protested. “For instance, do you remember when Dunne and Hackley were almost beheaded for looking in at the harem women? They certainly did not want eggs, and would have been far too unreliable to look after them. And Mei and I-“

“Stop!” Laurence yelped, “Temeraire, it is not a subject suitable for discussion.” Feeling the irony of his words, he amended, “at least not in public. If you have some private curiosity, I shall always be willing to aid you, though in this case, I am not likely to be of much help.” 

“Well, perhaps I shall ask Tharkay again,” Temeraire mused. “He seemed to know a great deal about the laws, and did not seem nearly as uncomfortable as you with the subject. Your protests do not make much sense either; Granby-“ 

“Temeraire, I beg of you,” Laurence said desperately, “please do not mention what you have learned in Brazil, through Iskierka’s indiscretion, having heard the laws, you know the danger.” 

“Oh, very well,” Temeraire huffed, “but I think it very silly. Now, what were you truly so worried about during the flight today?”

 

Having managed to escape Temeraire’s innate curiosity for the night, Laurence wandered aimlessly around the outskirts of camp. He knew he should be asleep, but his swirling mind would not let him rest. Temeraire’s words where whirling around in his head. He deeply regretted having Tharkay brought into the discussion, for now Laurence could not help wondering about him as well, in connection with the issue. Temeraire had said he was comfortable with the topic, though Laurence knew Tharkay made a point about being comfortable with things that would shock other men. He had just made up his mind to say nothing, when he ran into Tharkay on his way back to his tent.

“Why, hello Laurence. Bit late for an evening stroll, isn’t it?” Tharkay greeted him, a hint of mocking in his smile. 

“I- I must beg your pardon,” Laurence said, a bit awkwardly, “for Temeraire’s questions earlier.” 

“And I, you,” Tharkay returned, with a half-bow, “for the shameful accusations I bestowed upon you with my words.” 

“I do not-“ Laurence hesitated, Granby again at the front of his mind. Did he truly believe it shameful? When he knew a man of such courage and honour who was like that? He could not decide, even as the constant questions of ‘why’ pushed forward in his mind.

Tharkay seemed to read some of this in his face. “Would you care to join me for a drink?” he offered, and when Laurence simply nodded, turned to lead him back to his tent. 

Once seated, with a glass in each hand, Tharkay broached the subject again. “Come now, Will. What is it that troubles you? We have known each other long enough now to speak freely, have we not?” 

Laurence still hesitated. “It is not a question of trust,” he said softly, “it is that I myself do not know what I think.” Tharkay waited silently, and at long last, Laurence continued. “Temeraire’s questions-“ he paused, unsure of how to continue.

“Ah,” Tharkay said, smirking slightly, “was it him who unearthed these questions in you, or was it the other way?” 

Laurence flushed, unable to look at Tharkay. “The latter, I believe,” he muttered to his boots. 

“My, my,” Tharkay said, the hint of mocking still in his voice, “and you have come to me for answers. Should I be honoured or offended?” 

“No, not- it is not you- I mean- I do not mean to insult you Tharkay,” Laurence finally managed, “and I would not dream of accusing you.” Tharkay listened to this pronouncement with a quirk of his eyebrows. “Mr. Granby is a lucky man then,” he said at last. 

“What- how-“ Laurence stammered. Tharkay smirked again. “It was not a difficult deduction to make. The familiarity between Granby and Little, combined with the altogether different closeness between you and Granby, the way Little avoided you like the plague, and the fact that you have been stirring over this all served to paint a very clear picture for me.”

“Oh Lord,” Laurence sighed. “You will not tell?”

“Tell what?” Tharkay asked, almost taunting, “of Mr. Granby’s indiscretion, or of your interest?” Laurence looked at him with such a look of horror that Tharkay seemed to repent. “Forgive me,” he said, in a softer voice, “I appreciate your confidence, and I shall not repeat your words. I know how dangerous the thought can be.” 

Tharkay’s words took Laurence aback. Had Tharkay been accused of this? Was the accusation true? A glance at Tharkay told him that the man could read these shocked questions easily in his face, but the quirk of his lips told him clearly that he would not get an answer. 

Tharkay pushed another glass towards him with a more gentle smile. “Truly, Will, you have nothing to fear from me.” 

Laurence hesitated, but the questions he had been stirring over for days finally burst out. “But why?” he asked, “Lack of opportunity cannot be the answer, nor fear of commitment. And how does-“ he cut himself off, but the damage was done. 

“How does it work?” Tharkay questioned, to Laurence’s flush. “Much as you would imagine, I am sure.” As Laurence’s flush deepened, Tharkay smirked more broadly. “Oh but you have been imagining it, haven’t you Laurence? It started off as simply curiosity, a question of mechanics. But then you started wondering, what would it be like, how would it feel? Your question of why leads you to the same place. The only answer you can find is that he wanted it. Do you believe love can ever exist between two men? If so, then why not desire as well?” Tharkay was becoming flushed, more passionate and less in control, but Laurence was still confused. 

“As always, your questions lay me bare,” he said quietly, and Tharkay seemed to calm, “but I still do not understand my curiosity. I beg of you, do that trick where you tell me truths about myself that I had not dared to consider.” 

“I do not believe that in this case you would like my answer,” Tharkay said softly, and held the tent flap open for Laurence to leave.

 

Tharkay claimed the next morning that his hands were aching, and chose to fly with one of the Chinese dragons so that his hands could be examined by one of the surgeons. Laurence felt a confused pang of disappointment, and climbed aboard Temeraire preoccupied, trying to sort out his own muddled thoughts. He thought of the extent of his curiosity into Granby’s indiscretion, of Temeraire’s assumptions about Tharkay, and of Tharkay’s own words. Tharkay’s question still rung in his ears: Do you believe love can ever exist between two men? He thought of how Tharkay had provoked his initial distrust because he had learnt that it was better to be openly doubted than quietly implied; he thought of how Tharkay had brought not one, but two, packs of ferals across all of Europe, saving him twice from desperate situations; he thought of how Tharkay had, with a single question, brought him to his senses when he was leading attacks on Napoleon’s irregulars; and of how he had followed Laurence to Australia, despite his dishonour with the irregulars and despite his act of treason. Finally he thought of how it was the sight of Tharkay that had brought back his memories, when not even Temeraire had been able to do so, and he knew that he had an answer. 

 

“I must leave you again tonight, my dear,” Laurence told Temeraire that evening, after they had landed and made camp. “There is something that I need to discuss with Tharkay.” 

Laurence was sure he saw a flash of glee in the dragons eyes, as he agreed, requesting only that Laurence try to persuade Tharkay to re-join them the next day. Laurence promised, and all too soon found himself at Tharkay’s tent, pitched out of the way of most of the others, and already mostly shrouded in darkness. 

“You needn’t linger at the entrance like a spirit, Laurence, do come in,” Tharkay’s voice came from inside the tent. Despite his misgivings, Laurence steeled himself, and ducked inside. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” Tharkay asked, offering him a drink and a seat. 

“Temeraire wishes you to fly with us tomorrow,” Laurence blurted out, unable to think of what else to say. “And you?” Tharkay inquired, head tilting curiously. 

“I-“ Laurence paused, then began again, “I have spent the day considering our conversation last night.” 

“Anything in particular?” Tharkay asked with practiced indifference, but Laurence knew him well enough to read the tension in his face and body.

“Yes,” Laurence said in a low voice, “your question of love.” He felt, rather than heard, Tharkay’s stifled noise, and the tension in the tent rocketed. 

“And your conclusions?” Tharkay asked, holding himself completely still. 

Laurence felt like he was being pulled apart by the tension, by Tharkay’s eyes pinning him. His mouth was dry, his hands were shaking, but he would not let himself be a coward now, not when he could see the pain and hope in Tharkay’s eyes, a depth of emotion that shocked him, made him feel like glass that would shatter with the slightest touch. 

“Yes,” he whispered, and his throat closed. Unable to push anything else out, he took a deep breath and raised his eyes to meet Tharkay’s.

“Will,” Tharkay breathed, and then his lips were on Laurence’s, soft and dry. Laurence gasped, and Tharkay drew back, his chest heaving. For once, he seemed unable to meet Laurence’s eyes, and when he spoke, his voice was stiff. “Forgive me if I have presumed too much, I will-“

“No,” Laurence shook his head, “Tenzing, do not go. I did not mean- I mean- I just- I have not done this before, not with another-“ he trailed off again. “Forgive me Tenzing, this is not easy for me to talk about. But I should have seen this long ago, you have always been right here.” Realizing that he was not making much sense, he cut himself off, before his rambling made a greater fool of himself. 

“Will, you have always treated me with respect, even when I gave you cause to doubt me. But the habits of years are not easily disregarded, and I overreacted. Do you truly want this?” he hesitated, “Want me?”

The uncertainty in Tharkay’s tone caused all of Laurence’s fear to vanish. “Yes,” he said, and leaned forward to press his lips again to Tharkay’s. His hands reached out, settling on Tharkay’s hips, while Tharkay’s hands fluttered up to gently explore is face and neck, sighing softly into the kiss. When Tharkay pulled back this time, there was a rare, genuine smile on his face, and his eyes were shining with happiness. “Will,” he murmured, tucking his face into Laurence’s shoulder, his lips caressing Laurence’s neck, making him gasp. 

Tharkay looked up at him again, this time with a playful, mischievous smile, and pushed Laurence down onto the bed beneath him, tugging at Laurence’s shirt as they went. Laurence was trembling. “Tenzing, Tenzing,” the name spilled from his mouth helplessly, his eyes half lidded. He reached up for Tharkay, hands running up his back. A small flinch recalled him to his senses, and he remembered, with a flash of horror, the extent of Tharkay’s injuries. He made to pull away, but Tharkay’s damaged fingers curled around his wrist. 

“Will, let me, let me, please.” Tharkay’s voice held a pleading vulnerability that Laurence had never heard before, and aching, he nodded. Before he could breathe, Tharkay’s lips were on his again, fierce and hot, his tongue licking into Laurence’s mouth. Laurence moaned into him, his body arching up to meet Tharkay’s, pressing into him, struggling to find a way to close any space between them. 

Laurence could feel the desperation in Tharkay’s movements, the greedy way his hips pushed against Laurence, rocking them together. Heat was boiling up in Laurence’s veins, as he felt all of his blood flow south, pleasure pooling in his groin. Tharkay’s hands moved from Laurence’s hips to his trousers, opening them and pushing them down, before one hand crept inside and stroked Laurence firmly. Laurence gasped again, unable to stop the little moans and whimpers from escaping him. Pushing himself down, Tharkay bent to take Laurence into his mouth, kissing and sucking the soft skin of his inner thighs. It was over far too soon, Laurence spilling into Tharkay’s mouth, crying his name, reaching down to stroke Tharkay in turn, hot and sweaty and slippery, until Tharkay spilled over Laurence’s hand, and they collapsed together in the bed. 

They lay in silence for several minutes, before Tharkay broke it. “You do not regret this, Will? We may continue as normal, if you wish.” Laurence rolled onto his side to look at Tharkay, despite the pink still staining his cheeks, Tharkay looked remarkably composed. Laurence, however, thought he knew him well enough to read the slight hint of anxiety that had returned to the set of his mouth. 

“What kind of coward would I be, Tenzing, if I used you like that? What kind of friend? I would not have you believe I say this out of some misguided sense of duty, but, though I have been blind, I am not entirely a fool.” Laurence could see the light shine in Tharkay’s eyes, and his lips relaxed into a true smile. 

“I will,” he said, in a seeming non-sequiter, and at Laurence’s questioning look, continued with a wry smile. “I will ride with you,” he elaborated, “It would be very rude of me to deny Temeraire that wish, after he has so graciously parted with your company for the night.” 

“It is my wish also, Tenzing, surely you must know that.” Tharkay looked at him, eyes clear, his usual defences down. “I do,” he replied.


End file.
